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How to have sex with a Trans guy

How to have sex with a Trans guy

So how does it...work? Wasn't it awkward to break the news? What do you use to have sex? Isn't having no dick, a deal breaker?

Just a few of the many questions I get asked once it’s known that I am in fact, a Trans man.

I don’t think these questions are asked out of cruelty or hostility. Generally it's just a lack of information or genuine curiosity; and because the idea of being a Trans person is still such a mind-blowing concept to a lot of people, they then feel it's perfectly acceptable to ask such invasive questions.

Me being me, I'm always happy to answer any question that's thrown at me, no matter how weird. But it's always good to keep in mind that not everyone wants to answer such personal questions, and not should they have to.

The reason for writing up this post is to perhaps shed some light, and open people's eyes to the mysterious act that is: having sex as a Trans man. (Note: It’s not that mysterious).

Before jumping in, I just want to state that these answers come directly from my personal experience. Nobody’s sexual experiences or preferences are the same, no matter what 'umbrella' they sit under.

Sex isn't as simple as just the stereotypes given to us based off of our sexual or gender identity (anal, scissoring, vaginal penetration).

Sexual experimentation is present in most relationships, it's just that these conversations are generally kept quiet. Whether that be because of preference, stigma, or the constantly pushed idea that sex needs to be censored.

Moral of the story, is that having sex with a Trans guy really isn't that incomprehensible, you just need to use your imagination.

But in lieu of writing this post, I do want to answer the four most asked questions I get when it comes to having sex...as a Trans guy.

Was it awkward to break the news:

Most of my sexual partners have known prior that I am in fact Trans. There have only been a small handful of times where it’s really needed to be disclosed.

To say that it’s not daunting would be a lie. As much as I’m proud to be who I am and am in no way apologetic, to have to almost ‘pre-warn’ someone is very dehumanising.

As I’ve progressed further into my transition, I’ve made disclosing the news more of just a ‘drop-in’ conversation point, rather than a ‘statement before sex’.

Even in a one night stand situation, I’ll always find a way to bring up the fact that I am a Trans man. This way it just makes the whole thing a lot more casual rather than feeling like a sort of confession. To this day no one has ever acted in a negative way, and I feel like if they did they’re probably not the kind of person I’d want to be sleeping with anyhow.

So how does it work?

Despite this specific question sounding similar to asking how a car works, I do understand why it’s asked so frequently.

Thanks to our last generations sexual education system failing us all, a lot of us are now left with a lot of confusion and curiosity surrounding sex. I’m largely vocal in the fact that the internet has taught me an astronomically large amount more about sex than any of my health classes at school ever did.

Although taken aback by the question: “How do you have sex?”, when it comes to actually answering, it’s really not that complicated.

Of course like I mentioned previously, not every Trans person has sex the same way, just like not every Cis person has sex the same way. So many things come into factor, from if you’ve medically transitioned, to the type of dysphoria you experience etc.

For me personally, being three years on Testosterone, one year post-top surgery, and well into my transition I’m having the best sex I’ve ever had.

I’m the most comfortable I’ve ever been, especially when it comes to trying new things. I do tend to be more of a ‘giver’, which I think is a result of years of hating my genitals, despite me having got past a lot of that now.

What I’ve learnt with all of my partners since transitioning, is that communication is key. From that I feel like I’ve experienced sex a thousand different ways.

But to keep a long story short: I ask what my partner likes, and from that I collect up the tools I need, and get to it. Simple.

What do you use to have sex?

This question has a lot of answers, and although my innate urge to answer something sarcastic is strong, I generally try to answer the best I can.

Like everyone, the way we have sex can look very different depending on the situation. Whether that be location, timing, or who we’re having sex with.

Over time I feel like I’ve built up quite a collection in regards to ‘toys for the bedroom’, and depending on who I’m with the combination of toys used is never the same.

I view sex as an intimate experience to be experimented with. I’d much rather this, than a constantly repeated routine that you and your partner eventually get tired of. Of course there are going to be particular things that you always run back to, but throwing a consensual curve ball every now and then is guaranteed to keep both you and your partner always on your toes.

I feel like experimentation and communication are two key things to introduce into your sex-life.

Isn't having no dick, a deal breaker?

The idea that the presence of a phallus is needed for enjoyable sex is quite a bold and patriarchal claim.

Do I think me not having a penis is a deal breaker? No.

There are countless ways to make a person feel good without a penis. That being said, if the participation of a phallus is especially necessary for you, ATMS has quite the impressive collection to try out.

Despite my sarcasm, I really hope that I’ve cleared up some confusion surrounding the world of ‘sexual intercourse with a Trans man’.

Sex is fun, exciting, and can be enjoyed by a diverse variety of people. It is in no way exclusive, and being Trans does not prohibit me from that kind of fun.

Other articles of interest:

Want more?

Adulttoymegastore is an online retailer of sex toys distributing across New Zealand, Australia and the USA. ATMS was opened in 2009 and is still proudly New Zealand owned and operated, with over 8,000 products from more than 45 brands to choose from! We take great provide in providing the best products to thousands of happy customers, and have many benefits such as a loyalty programme, free samples with every order, and personalised notes.

Adulttoymegastore has a huge range of sex toys including vibrators, dildos and cock rings for every occasion! With fast, 100% discreet shipping, and price guarantee, ATMS has everything you need to make good sex, great!

Jed Biggs, Sex-positive Trans-Masc Writer & Sex Toy Reviewer
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