Aftercare is the immediate time after a scene/session - even love making - and can be as simple as a cuddle before rolling over and going to sleep or it can span more than an hour depending on the needs of all involved, the type and intensity of the scene.
Aftercare can be divided into 5 phases, consider that the requirements for each phase can be specific to the individual or scene!
If using a spanker and certain parts of the body have been harmed. Having the appropriate remedies nearby is important. From prior discussion about what the scene will entail, you can predict what specific remedies you are likely to need. This may mean icing an area to reduce swelling, applying soothing creams or taking some ibuprofen. Cleaning any irritated skin will promote healing as well as reduce any chance of infection.
Being cleaned up, comforted and allowed to rest is usually what a submissive needs after an intense experience.
Getting a person safely down from an apparatus (in the case of a spanking bench or a bondage suspension) is important. The sub may feel dizzy when they first stand up, they could feel confused or try to move away while their feet are still bound (feet should be unbound prior to hands to minimise the risk of this). I have had a person collapse into my arms upon standing up, thankfully I read the situation and had already dragged over a bench to lie them on prior to getting them up, so I was able to lower them onto it.
Hydration levels - offering water or other fluids is often important especially following a very heavy scene. Adrenalin uses up lots of fluid and often the person can be sweating profusely as their bodies have been in fight or flight mode.
Energy levels - if a scene has been particularly long both parties may need a sugary snack to boost their blood sugar levels. They may also need to use the bathroom.
Body temperature - Can drop quite quickly after a scene so getting clothes back on them and a cosy blanket is a good idea. Subs may want to cuddle and are likely to feel better with some praise about how well they did. Never underestimate the power of telling someone how proud you are of them!
In a lifestyle situation, it's more about being loving and affectionate than ''aftercare'' per-se.
Talking, cuddling or giving them time to get their head back together - could be some alone time - whatever they need which depends largely on the relationship dynamic, the scene itself and individual's needs.
Talk about how the scene/session went. If I'm concerned about someone's mental state following a scene and I don't have time to stay with them beyond our session time, I will suggest they go to a café nearby and have a drink and a quiet sit down before driving home. I also ask them to text me when they arrive home safely.
This should be agreed on prior to commencement and is usually a text or a phone call. I like to follow up with clients, but many keep their kinks very quiet, perhaps due to their job or they may have partners who don't know they practice BDSM, so they prefer me not to, as someone else may be checking their phone.
Not all phases are necessary, the debrief and check-in may not be necessary when playing with regular/primary partners.
This break-down of aftercare works with mental play as well as heavy physical play and with long-term partners, pick-up play or in a professional session.
This approach is not an absolute, sometimes it's enough to just consider each point before moving on.
Both top and bottom can experience drops immediately after a scene or in the days following - it's basically a low which follows a massive high - similar to the "coming down" after indulging in party drugs.
Often the immediate feeling is one of being "high" as the endorphins and oxytocin coarse through the bloodstream. Once they start to subside there can be a wave of tiredness, feeling cold or even a "little down". Emotions might be out of whack and it can manifest in a pretty intense drop.
But there is another critical window 1-3 days after the session/scene, where your immune system will be operating sub-optimally, and this is often when you could experience a more psychological drop. It's often described like experiencing depression where you feel drained, apathy or feeling emotional and vulnerable.
As I mentioned earlier, aftercare needs depend on the intensity of play - a heavy pain session may require more cuddling than if it was just light and playful play.
Another factor is the level of humiliation, degradation or dehumanising which takes place, then gentle, comforting words of affirmation may be required.
If aftercare is skipped or insufficient people can get VERY teary, shivery-shaky and panicked.
I've done sessions where the sub has needed to do something for me after a session. It was as though there was a strong push to feel useful in response to the play we'd had. I find it interesting and satisfying, how grateful people are after a session.
Finally the extent of aftercare can also depend on the number of orgasms either party has - this usually doesn't apply in my dungeon as most clients only get one at the end of a scene, if at all. But in a lifestyle BDSM situation or during great sex, having a lot of orgasms takes its toll on the body and brain chemicals can leave you feeling a little "high" or "out of it" so care should be taken to keep that person safe afterward.
So, the take-home message is to talk prior about aftercare expectations, then be open to readjusting these depending on how things go. Taking time to care for the person you've been playing with is likely to lead to more 😊.
To keep yourself and your partner safe and healthy, consider the aftercare specifics following the use of any of Adultotmegastore's BDSM products. Including restraints, whips, collars and more!